Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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