When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
