what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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