How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There r osticjed everywhere
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
