I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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