I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
