Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
