Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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