Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
