I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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