New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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