And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
