I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
