I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
