Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
