I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
