Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
