he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
