hell yes lets make some ravioli
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
