I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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