how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
