Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
