I just made out with a guy for $7.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
