This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
