My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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