Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
