So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
