I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
