pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
