Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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