Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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