Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
