I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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