M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
