yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
