thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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