Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
