I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
