I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
