They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
