my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
