My hand turned me down
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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