I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
