I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
