Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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