Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
