she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
