how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
