Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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