I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
