hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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