how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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