Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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