I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
