she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
