i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
