Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
