dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
