dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
