I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
