i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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