capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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