i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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