I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
