Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
