I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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