The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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