i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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