he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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