My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
