My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
